such a touching read, cassie. i had never tried the thought exercise of considering what the AI chatbot version of me would say based on my journals, but i have thought a lot about how the journals are an archive of my life that maybe some library could inherit one day (assuming my career goes OBSCENELY well haha). it got me thinking about the huge gap in journaling i have taken in the last month. i think it's because im enjoying my off-the-page life and don't want to get mired in the self-reflexive spiral that journaling can sometimes create, where i'm reflecting and always processing rather than just doing the things and letting current experiences guide future moments. it feels weird to know that these joys are resisting the act of inscription, but it is also helping me realize that there are other small ways i can show love, cultivate mindfulness, etc when im not in the pages every day. those moments are also everywhere all the time, too.
that said, on my agenda tomorrow is to go write down some of my current favorite songs so that they're not just holed up in my Spotify on repeat playlist :)💚
Oh my, do you feel like you write your journals differently knowing that they might be "perceived" - or even pored over - in future?
I have complex feelings about this, personally. Part of me is like: Oh well, I'd like to be remembered, and then part of me looks at the current controversy regarding the posthumous publication of Joan Didion's "Notes to John" and wants to burn every single one of my journals all so no one can try to interpret my random musings after I'm not here to defend myself.
But then, too, there's the idea that if I do end up getting dementia, I would want my caregivers to know the "real me", and that there's a person in there, too, who had thoughts and dreams and *big* feelings, even if they're no longer accessible or able to be articulated.
Ohhhh, to be human is to be complicated, hey?!
Also - RE the gap - I don't know if this is helpful, but I love having my two non-negotiable daily documentations. I have a one-line-a-day journal with a tiny sliver of space that I write something about that day to mark its passing, and then a "daily doings diary", where I literally just bullet list all the things I've done that day. For me, they tend to stop the self-reflexive spiral - they're just documenting, not interpreting anything - and help me to feel like I'm appreciating the passage of time without always having to pore over it in immense detail, if that makes sense.
Love that it's inspired you to write down your favourite songs, though! Yes! I promise that will be a gift to a future version of you one day who might stumble back over them, even if they never end up in the library ;)
"I've even started bringing a flask and a book on long bike rides; giving myself permission to stop for a tea break and read a while." This sounds perfect.
Enjoyed this reminder that two things are often true at the same time, much as we like to see things as one way or the other. And I’m looking forward to finally getting to join a writing circle on Friday!
such a touching read, cassie. i had never tried the thought exercise of considering what the AI chatbot version of me would say based on my journals, but i have thought a lot about how the journals are an archive of my life that maybe some library could inherit one day (assuming my career goes OBSCENELY well haha). it got me thinking about the huge gap in journaling i have taken in the last month. i think it's because im enjoying my off-the-page life and don't want to get mired in the self-reflexive spiral that journaling can sometimes create, where i'm reflecting and always processing rather than just doing the things and letting current experiences guide future moments. it feels weird to know that these joys are resisting the act of inscription, but it is also helping me realize that there are other small ways i can show love, cultivate mindfulness, etc when im not in the pages every day. those moments are also everywhere all the time, too.
that said, on my agenda tomorrow is to go write down some of my current favorite songs so that they're not just holed up in my Spotify on repeat playlist :)💚
Oh my, do you feel like you write your journals differently knowing that they might be "perceived" - or even pored over - in future?
I have complex feelings about this, personally. Part of me is like: Oh well, I'd like to be remembered, and then part of me looks at the current controversy regarding the posthumous publication of Joan Didion's "Notes to John" and wants to burn every single one of my journals all so no one can try to interpret my random musings after I'm not here to defend myself.
But then, too, there's the idea that if I do end up getting dementia, I would want my caregivers to know the "real me", and that there's a person in there, too, who had thoughts and dreams and *big* feelings, even if they're no longer accessible or able to be articulated.
Ohhhh, to be human is to be complicated, hey?!
Also - RE the gap - I don't know if this is helpful, but I love having my two non-negotiable daily documentations. I have a one-line-a-day journal with a tiny sliver of space that I write something about that day to mark its passing, and then a "daily doings diary", where I literally just bullet list all the things I've done that day. For me, they tend to stop the self-reflexive spiral - they're just documenting, not interpreting anything - and help me to feel like I'm appreciating the passage of time without always having to pore over it in immense detail, if that makes sense.
Love that it's inspired you to write down your favourite songs, though! Yes! I promise that will be a gift to a future version of you one day who might stumble back over them, even if they never end up in the library ;)
Hope you're having fun over on the west coast! xx
"I've even started bringing a flask and a book on long bike rides; giving myself permission to stop for a tea break and read a while." This sounds perfect.
Thanks Sarah! It is pretty special. Wish you could teleport here so we could drink tea and read in pretty places together, too!
Don't tempt me...might hop on a flight!
Enjoyed this reminder that two things are often true at the same time, much as we like to see things as one way or the other. And I’m looking forward to finally getting to join a writing circle on Friday!
Thank you, Jillian! I'm so looking forward to Friday and I'm so glad you can make it 🥰💜