Dreaming with open hands

The value in dreaming big - but not holding on too tightly

Jul 19, 2024

Hey friends,

Before I get into today’s main topic, I wanted to share a little snippet of what I’ve been up to recently. It’s been a big couple of weeks and I’ve been pushing the limits of my comfort zone in all sorts of fun ways - including having a photoshoot!

Of course, when I shared them with my family, their main response was: “Why?”, “Where are your shoes?”, and “Do you always sit on tables when you have chairs?”

To which, my answers were: Why not?, I don’t usually wear shoes at home (but I do wear sheep slippers, see below), and yes, a surprising amount, actually.

I have a bit of a thing about sitting on tables.

Anyway, I’ve attached some of the never-seen-before photos here so you can get a sneak peek before I add them to my website. All credit to

Adam Kenna

who is an all-around great human, photographer, and writer. If you’re ever in Perth and need some photos, he’s your guy.

I like sitting on tables and I don’t like wearing shoes.

Of course, there were more reasons than just “Why not?”, but I do turn into a bit of a defensive teenager with my family, especially when I’m put on the spot during our weekly Zoom calls.

The photoshoot was actually a big step in making my creative business dreams even more official. I’ve been running it thus far with self-timer selfies and photos taken on my phone, and, while they do the job, it felt like it was time for me to start aiming a little higher.

Which leads us nicely to today’s topic: dreaming.

Dreaming is something I’ve written about before, but it’s also something I’m super passionate about and could probably talk about over and over again for hours and never run out of things to say, so here we are.

The power of dreaming

I've been dreaming a lot recently, both in my own life and in my calls with my mentoring clients. I've been encouraging all sorts of out-of-the-box daydreaming - the kind I was always being told off for doing in school.

I love how rebellious it feels.

Teachers said I dreamed too much, but I always felt like no one else dreamed enough. I genuinely believe our imaginations are like this incredible superpower that we’re all born with and have seemingly limitless access to.

To me, it’s like this magical dreamworld where we can go and explore the realms of infinite possibility, conjure up myriad lives, watch them play out, and maybe even choose a favourite to reenact here on Earth. All without leaving the comfort of our own minds.

I'm sure that to some extent, other animals dream. My cat likely dreams - I love it when his paws twitch when he's sleeping and his eyes move behind his closed lids - but they don't have dreams. Not like we do.

I swear the only thing this cat dreams about is food.

As far as we know, nothing else in the natural world dreams like us.

We alone have this incredible ability to use our imaginations to consciously create another reality and another version of ourselves. I don’t even have any sort of sensory mind - it’s all blank in there! Thanks, aphantasia - but fortunately, I can still dream.

If I had to give my nature a name, I would call myself a realist. But that doesn't stop the dreaming. It merely means that the dreams I seek out and feel most drawn to are the ones that feel more possible: more able to be made real.

Like how, instead of 7-figure businesses and designer wardrobes, mega mansions with infinity pools, or, I don’t know, flying cars, I dream of a quiet-yet-slightly-adventurous life that suits me down to a tee.

I dream of writing books, buying a sailboat and living on it with my partner and my cat, eventually settling down on land again and finding a little cottage in the countryside - a bit like the one I'm in now - but where I can hang pictures on the walls and paint the walls anything but magnolia, and grow veggies in the garden.

I also have big dreams of growing my little mentoring business and helping others make their dreams a reality. It's been fun so far, but it's still very much in its early phases of what I hope it could become. And the truth is, I don't even know what it fully will, yet.

But that's part of the fun, too. Dreams are like a way to bridge the gap between the life we're living now and the life we'd like to be living.

I always dreamed of working for myself, having my own home office, and wearing whatever I wanted - sheep slippers and all.

Dreams as a blueprint

We can't just start from nothing, we need dreams, goals, aspirations, visions - whatever you want to call them - to act as a map and get us moving. Just like we need a structure or an idea to write a book or build a house, our dreams can act as blueprints to help us create the life we'd like to be living.

It's hard to build it if you can't first dream it.

But then, at the same time, we also usually reach a tipping point where we have to love and believe in our dreams enough to let them go (and grow) on their own.

We can be the vessel for them, envisioning them into being in our minds and taking steps to bring them into the physical world. But, we also have to give them room to breathe and grow and evolve.

After all, we're constantly growing and evolving - it would make sense that the things we're wanting will be growing and evolving and shifting with us, too.

I bet that there have been at least three times in your life you thought you really wanted something. You dreamed of it, imagined it, and wanted it so badly you could almost reach out and touch it - like Willy Wonka’s candy bars on Wonka TV - but then it fell flat and didn't happen.

Or, even worse, it did happen and you realised it wasn't actually what you wanted.

Most likely, the dream was just intended to be a starting point - a way to get you moving in the right direction. But, like following a compass and going off-piste rather than sticking to the highway, holding onto a dream too tightly can sometimes take us away from where we actually want to be.

When - and if - this happens and we don't get what we want (or thought we wanted), we can make up all sorts of stories about what this means. We may even give up dreaming altogether and surrender ourselves to a different fate, but that doesn't really help either.

Instead, the best thing to do is take a step back and reevaluate the dream.

I can’t even tell you how much time I’ve spent standing here, thinking through and re-evaluating all of my life choices.

Not all dreams will come true

But you should keep dreaming anyway.

A lot of people see things like dreams not coming true or working out the way they wanted or any other perceived “failure” as a personal failing; but the truth is there is so much value in the feedback that we can learn from these experiences.

If we can separate ourselves from the outcome and try to tap back into that dreaming state with the information we have available now, we'll often gain a lot more clarity about where we want - or don't want - to go next.

I genuinely believe everything in life and everything we go through serves a purpose - even if it's just that it got us to where we are now. It's all knowledge and information, and, when we let it, it can help shape our dreams and directions for the future in new and exciting ways.

For example, I wouldn't say a lot of the things that have happened in my life have been great - at least on paper.

Things like:

Being kicked off my Mandarin course at university just before I was meant to go to China for a year.

Losing one of my best friends in a car accident when I was 21.

Being stuck in Australia when the borders got locked down with no working rights and a very limited support network.

My mum being diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer’s while I was stuck on the other side of the world.

Realising 10 years into my travel writing career that I actually didn't want to be a travel writer anymore - just after I spent $10k on a pro travel writing mentor.

But in the end, they led me to other things, like:

Transferring to East Asian Studies, graduating a year earlier, and being able to work and save up so I could still go and visit all my friends in China as part of a 3-month solo backpacking adventure. All of which ultimately led to me becoming a travel agent, a travel writer, and leaving the UK 11 years ago.

Coming to the realisation that life is short and might end tomorrow so we might as well enjoy it and do the things we want to do, not just the things we think we should. After Charlie died, I turned my back on my goal of joining the UN or getting a “real” job in a suit and fancy shoes and instead decided to throw myself headfirst into a more adventurous and exciting life.

Meeting my partner, adopting my cat, moving to this little house in the country, building a new career, rediscovering hobbies like cooking and gardening, and realising that I could still make a life I loved - even if it wasn't quite as exciting as all my years on the road.

Giving myself permission to be a long-distance carer instead of packing up my life and moving back to my childhood home like my mum wanted me to. Instead, I wrote her letters and called or video-chatted with her every day while my dad was at work. It wasn't ideal - especially as I couldn't go back and visit - but in hindsight, it worked out for the best and I’m very grateful for all of those hours we spent together.

Realising that I actually wanted to be a mentor and investing in support to help me build that side of my business. Although I initially signed up to work on build my travel writing career, our work together helped equip me with the skills and confidence I needed to shift my vision. It also showed me that investing in ourselves and our dreams is one of the best things we can ever do for ourselves.

Like dreams, life may not always work out how we planned - but sometimes it works out even better!

It’s funny to think about, but if everything I’d ever wished for had come true, I have absolutely no idea where I’d be right now or what I’d be doing. I doubt I’d be in this house, with this cat, writing this and sending it to you. But I also can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Which is I guess what this whole Making Lemonade thing is about.

All those lemons may not feel that great at the time - understatement of the century - but it’s pretty hard to make lemonade if we don’t have any lemons, either.

Reflection Questions:

Do you let yourself dream enough? Do you want to dream more? Bigger? Higher? What’s stopping you?
What are you dreaming of at the moment? Is there something that lights you up more than anything else or keep coming back to?
Are there any dreams or desires you might be holding onto too tightly?
Can you remember the best dream-come-true experience that you’ve had in your life?
Is there a dream you had that did come true and you realised it wasn’t actually what you wanted - or one that didn’t and you realised it was for the best that way?

As always, if you want to dive deeper into any of this (or anything else) on a creative mentoring call, please reach out. I’m also happy to share resources or have a quick chat to see if I can help. You can find more info on my website (which will soon be updated with these amazing photos!)

For now, I hope you have had a wonderful week and have a magical weekend - preferably with a little time dedicated to daydreaming.

All my love,

Cxx

PS: for now, all my posts are free for everyone to read. However, if you’d like to support me and my work, you can sign up for a subscription or buy me a coffee.

Thanks for being here!