Been writing my reply mentally for ages so finally pinned myself down to do it! I love this post and the sentiments in it. Your shift to this creative lifestyle after those realisations is the type of story we need to read. It's real and inspiring. I still have feet rooted in the day job but dream of something very different.
Also your aphantasia fascinates me, particularly after reading more about it in my art-based coaching diploma. It opened my mind to the variety that exists with our inner worlds. Have you seen the podcast interview on YouTube between David Eagleman and Ed Catmull? Looks like there are other creatives at Pixar (he was a founder) with aphantasia and contributed to the research on it.
I am hyperphantasic so at the other end. Very vivid mental imagery which has it's pros and cons. So interesting!
Oh thank you so much for this! And for taking the time to come back and reply. It means the world to me! I'd love to hear more about your dreams and your transition out of the day job. How exciting! I think those liminal "inbetween" spaces are full of such magic and potential.
If I'm totally honest, sometimes, I really miss the security of having a day job, especially when life gets hard, but it's also one of those grass is greener things. E.g. I don't dream of having another day job, but I do dream of more security, if that makes sense. Though I'm also grateful to be where I am and have what I have, too. While I sometimes wish I were further along on my journey, I'm not wishing my life away anymore, which feels like massive progress in itself!
Anyway! I digress. I haven't seen that interview but I will absolutely have to check it out! I know there are a bunch of animators and creatives who are total aphants, too, and I'm sure many at the other end of the spectrum like yourself as well. I can't imagine being hyperaphantasic! Do you also have a good memory?
I haven't written too much publicly on grief and PTSD and aphantasia and how I feel like it can be a really good tool in.... helping me move on, I guess, but I have often penned thoughts on it in my journal. I've been very grateful for my aphantasia at times when I've been through super traumatic events and then felt like this sensory disconnect from them in the aftermath, like they happened to someone else. Though I also know that could be a coping mechanism, too. Sometimes it's hard to know where we end and our minds and bodies begin! Gosh, I could talk about this all day. It feels like it would be a great podcast in itself!
All that said, thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. I love our comments conversations and all the wonderful tangents they seem to take me on! Very grateful we connected here! xx
Hey Cassie! I did it again. Pondered my reply to your many interesting points and it morphed into 'yes I replied to that in real life'. Der I hadn't! I love our comments chats too!
I hear what you mean about secure day job. I seem to want the stability but also the escape hatch at the same time lol. Demanding? Moi?
Interesting you mention the trauma related processes and aphantasia. They think it might help dampen some of the vividness associated with trauma experiences and sensory impact. I have a very vivid mental world which doesn't help with cPTSD. It has been overwhelming at times and I've had EMDR treatment which helped reduce the intensity.
It seems like the dissociation still occurs for us both which is a protective mechanism until it gets too common and it's hard to feel present as much. This would be a great podcast episode!
Have you subscribed to the aphantasia network? I find his emails fascinating as it helps me get an insight. Talked about types vs tokens today. So when we think about a horse, I'd likely see a very specific one with certain personal experience and emotion related features - a token. But you might see a 'type' of horse - it's general characteristics, horseness, the essence of the concept.
Oh gosh, me too! I feel like all of our conversations send my mind to all these magical expansive places and it can be hard to come back and write it down!
As for the day job stuff, well the grass is always greener! That said, knowing you want the escape hatch and the stability can be a really motivating place to be - you have a light at the end of the tunnel, you just get to choose the steps you take towards it!
I love EMDR! It helped me a lot, too. I don't have visual/sensory flashbacks, but I did have intense PTSD "body" flashbacks for a while after a couple of intense experiences compounded together. C-PTSD is different, though, I definitely found it easier to disassociate and view things as if they happened to someone else. Oh, these minds and experiences of ours are fascinating, hey!? Although I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone, I do find understanding my own experiences of it from a more objective perspective absolutely fascinating.
I'll absolutely have to sign up for the aphantasia network, thanks for the recommendation!! As for the token vs type horse example, I'd probably just think of a generic horse; 4 legs, long neck, 2 pointy ears, swishy tail and mane, haha. It makes me think of when I was a kid and I used to draw a lot but I always needed something to copy. I was a fairly decent artist if I was copying something, but if I had to draw a horse from "memory" it always looked like some whacky kind of horse, cat, dinosaur stickfigure hybrid creature that a 3- year old would draw!
I absolutely agree that exploring these concepts would make such a fascinating podcast too. I love hearing how other people experience the world! We all have such a varied spectrum of experiences, even when we're in the same place looking at the same thing! It's so cool! xx
Thank you so much, Christin! I love them too 🥰 it's also funny but they probably wouldn't have happened without some dreaming either, so it's all worth it in its own funny way. I love how I can follow so many threads of things in my life back to tiny little sparks of dreams, too. It almost feels like magic! 💜💫
Haha right?! It's funny how it feels like a really silly little act of rebellion but totally changes my perspective and feels kind of empowering in a weird way. Like ooh I can sit on tables, I can do anything 😂💜
I'm so glad! I really love writing the prompts (they're probably my favourite part of all!) and giving myself time to check in with how it all feels and sits with me too.
Honestly, in this world of constant consumption it feels like we don't often give ourselves enough time to even process what we read before we're onto the next thing.
I find questions - especially ones that have already been asked - can be a good kind of tiny reminder to slow down that process and checking in with myself instead of just going into the endless more more more scroll or email checking cycles!
When I was a freelance writer and was pitching regularly it was also amazing how much more frequently I got a response when I ended a pitch with a question, too. There's a lot that could be said about that but it was a fascinating experiment and one that seemed to really help me foster and build better relationships with my editors 🥰
Particularly this, “I genuinely believe everything in life and everything we go through serves a purpose - even if it's just that it got us to where we are now.”
Yes!!! I'd also hedge a tiny bet to say you know this one better than most, too, hey?! It's funny to straddle these worlds between the past and present and different countries and physical worlds, and how they make us reflect on all the places and the people we've been 💜
While it hasn't been an easy ride, I'm still grateful for all the experiences and lessons these last few years have taught me and also... like who I am now far better than I did the version of me I was a few years ago, too, which counts for a lot! Sending love 🥰
I love this, the idea of dreams being the bridge, also Your reflections are fascinating, all those doors that opened because your dreams were taken off course. I guess much contentment is about perspective. Thank you for your lovely words.xx
Thank you for your lovely words, Bel! They honestly mean the world to me. But yeah, it really does feel like it's all about perspective.
I've had some really interesting real life conversations this week with people who are very much still stuck in a place of feeling... derailed by their life experiences and all the sadness and discontentment that has brought. While I totally empathise, I'm also so aware of how short and precious this life is and it makes me feel so very glad to have been able to move past that phase and into the "light", I guess.
It kind of reminds me of Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. I'm paraphrasing here, but in it he says that some people just give up and lay down and let life take them, and they're the ones who don't survive or are broken by the hardships and the horrors. The ones who do all have to find within them a spark for life and a purpose and a reason to keep going, even despite everything else.
It's not exactly comparable, but life today still can be hard and full of it's own horrors and I genuinely think we all need to find our sparks and glimmers and raisons d'être. To me they're the bridges. The pathways to that place of contentment.
Anyway, long comment, sorry! Just very passionate about this stuff. Sending lots of love! 💜🥰
Been writing my reply mentally for ages so finally pinned myself down to do it! I love this post and the sentiments in it. Your shift to this creative lifestyle after those realisations is the type of story we need to read. It's real and inspiring. I still have feet rooted in the day job but dream of something very different.
Also your aphantasia fascinates me, particularly after reading more about it in my art-based coaching diploma. It opened my mind to the variety that exists with our inner worlds. Have you seen the podcast interview on YouTube between David Eagleman and Ed Catmull? Looks like there are other creatives at Pixar (he was a founder) with aphantasia and contributed to the research on it.
I am hyperphantasic so at the other end. Very vivid mental imagery which has it's pros and cons. So interesting!
Oh thank you so much for this! And for taking the time to come back and reply. It means the world to me! I'd love to hear more about your dreams and your transition out of the day job. How exciting! I think those liminal "inbetween" spaces are full of such magic and potential.
If I'm totally honest, sometimes, I really miss the security of having a day job, especially when life gets hard, but it's also one of those grass is greener things. E.g. I don't dream of having another day job, but I do dream of more security, if that makes sense. Though I'm also grateful to be where I am and have what I have, too. While I sometimes wish I were further along on my journey, I'm not wishing my life away anymore, which feels like massive progress in itself!
Anyway! I digress. I haven't seen that interview but I will absolutely have to check it out! I know there are a bunch of animators and creatives who are total aphants, too, and I'm sure many at the other end of the spectrum like yourself as well. I can't imagine being hyperaphantasic! Do you also have a good memory?
I haven't written too much publicly on grief and PTSD and aphantasia and how I feel like it can be a really good tool in.... helping me move on, I guess, but I have often penned thoughts on it in my journal. I've been very grateful for my aphantasia at times when I've been through super traumatic events and then felt like this sensory disconnect from them in the aftermath, like they happened to someone else. Though I also know that could be a coping mechanism, too. Sometimes it's hard to know where we end and our minds and bodies begin! Gosh, I could talk about this all day. It feels like it would be a great podcast in itself!
All that said, thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. I love our comments conversations and all the wonderful tangents they seem to take me on! Very grateful we connected here! xx
Hey Cassie! I did it again. Pondered my reply to your many interesting points and it morphed into 'yes I replied to that in real life'. Der I hadn't! I love our comments chats too!
I hear what you mean about secure day job. I seem to want the stability but also the escape hatch at the same time lol. Demanding? Moi?
Interesting you mention the trauma related processes and aphantasia. They think it might help dampen some of the vividness associated with trauma experiences and sensory impact. I have a very vivid mental world which doesn't help with cPTSD. It has been overwhelming at times and I've had EMDR treatment which helped reduce the intensity.
It seems like the dissociation still occurs for us both which is a protective mechanism until it gets too common and it's hard to feel present as much. This would be a great podcast episode!
Have you subscribed to the aphantasia network? I find his emails fascinating as it helps me get an insight. Talked about types vs tokens today. So when we think about a horse, I'd likely see a very specific one with certain personal experience and emotion related features - a token. But you might see a 'type' of horse - it's general characteristics, horseness, the essence of the concept.
Does that ring true for you? Xx
Oh gosh, me too! I feel like all of our conversations send my mind to all these magical expansive places and it can be hard to come back and write it down!
As for the day job stuff, well the grass is always greener! That said, knowing you want the escape hatch and the stability can be a really motivating place to be - you have a light at the end of the tunnel, you just get to choose the steps you take towards it!
I love EMDR! It helped me a lot, too. I don't have visual/sensory flashbacks, but I did have intense PTSD "body" flashbacks for a while after a couple of intense experiences compounded together. C-PTSD is different, though, I definitely found it easier to disassociate and view things as if they happened to someone else. Oh, these minds and experiences of ours are fascinating, hey!? Although I wouldn't wish trauma on anyone, I do find understanding my own experiences of it from a more objective perspective absolutely fascinating.
I'll absolutely have to sign up for the aphantasia network, thanks for the recommendation!! As for the token vs type horse example, I'd probably just think of a generic horse; 4 legs, long neck, 2 pointy ears, swishy tail and mane, haha. It makes me think of when I was a kid and I used to draw a lot but I always needed something to copy. I was a fairly decent artist if I was copying something, but if I had to draw a horse from "memory" it always looked like some whacky kind of horse, cat, dinosaur stickfigure hybrid creature that a 3- year old would draw!
I absolutely agree that exploring these concepts would make such a fascinating podcast too. I love hearing how other people experience the world! We all have such a varied spectrum of experiences, even when we're in the same place looking at the same thing! It's so cool! xx
No such thing as too much dreaming! I love the new pics! 🫶
Thank you so much, Christin! I love them too 🥰 it's also funny but they probably wouldn't have happened without some dreaming either, so it's all worth it in its own funny way. I love how I can follow so many threads of things in my life back to tiny little sparks of dreams, too. It almost feels like magic! 💜💫
Beautiful photoshoot! 😍 I also find it quite giddy to sit on tables, there is something special about it, isn't it? I should do it more often.
Haha right?! It's funny how it feels like a really silly little act of rebellion but totally changes my perspective and feels kind of empowering in a weird way. Like ooh I can sit on tables, I can do anything 😂💜
Totally!
Thank you Cassie, I loved this read! Especially the reflection prompts. I needed this this morning <3
I'm so glad! I really love writing the prompts (they're probably my favourite part of all!) and giving myself time to check in with how it all feels and sits with me too.
Honestly, in this world of constant consumption it feels like we don't often give ourselves enough time to even process what we read before we're onto the next thing.
I find questions - especially ones that have already been asked - can be a good kind of tiny reminder to slow down that process and checking in with myself instead of just going into the endless more more more scroll or email checking cycles!
When I was a freelance writer and was pitching regularly it was also amazing how much more frequently I got a response when I ended a pitch with a question, too. There's a lot that could be said about that but it was a fascinating experiment and one that seemed to really help me foster and build better relationships with my editors 🥰
Hope you're having a great week! 💜
I love this, Cassie!
Particularly this, “I genuinely believe everything in life and everything we go through serves a purpose - even if it's just that it got us to where we are now.”
Yes!!! I'd also hedge a tiny bet to say you know this one better than most, too, hey?! It's funny to straddle these worlds between the past and present and different countries and physical worlds, and how they make us reflect on all the places and the people we've been 💜
While it hasn't been an easy ride, I'm still grateful for all the experiences and lessons these last few years have taught me and also... like who I am now far better than I did the version of me I was a few years ago, too, which counts for a lot! Sending love 🥰
I love this, the idea of dreams being the bridge, also Your reflections are fascinating, all those doors that opened because your dreams were taken off course. I guess much contentment is about perspective. Thank you for your lovely words.xx
Thank you for your lovely words, Bel! They honestly mean the world to me. But yeah, it really does feel like it's all about perspective.
I've had some really interesting real life conversations this week with people who are very much still stuck in a place of feeling... derailed by their life experiences and all the sadness and discontentment that has brought. While I totally empathise, I'm also so aware of how short and precious this life is and it makes me feel so very glad to have been able to move past that phase and into the "light", I guess.
It kind of reminds me of Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. I'm paraphrasing here, but in it he says that some people just give up and lay down and let life take them, and they're the ones who don't survive or are broken by the hardships and the horrors. The ones who do all have to find within them a spark for life and a purpose and a reason to keep going, even despite everything else.
It's not exactly comparable, but life today still can be hard and full of it's own horrors and I genuinely think we all need to find our sparks and glimmers and raisons d'être. To me they're the bridges. The pathways to that place of contentment.
Anyway, long comment, sorry! Just very passionate about this stuff. Sending lots of love! 💜🥰