Where's this really coming from?

Facing fear and self doubt with curiosity and compassion

Hey friends,

I hope you’re having a great week. Here, we’re in the middle of a heatwave. Most of my energy seems to have seeped out the windows while I’ve been closing them up; drawing the curtains and retreating inward to try and keep the heat out.

Despite living in what feels like a sauna eight months of the year - complete with an abundance of eucalyptus trees for extra ambiance - most Perth houses were not made for the heat.

Mine seems to feel it especially, with its 70s-style dark red brick and single-paned windows. At least the corrugated iron roof seems to repel the worst of it, although I read an interesting article the other day about how the push for light-coloured roofs are actually raising UV levels and increasing the risk of skin cancer for humans.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

Or hot.

My little home under the gum trees, with its lovely dark-red bricks that soak up all the heat. The “grass” is an ongoing battle.

Given that the incessant heat is testing me a little, today's letter is about navigating life’s challenges and how we can use fear and self-doubt as a doorway into our inner worlds.

Fear and self-doubt are a big part of most creative journeys. When I first started this newsletter, for example, I found myself struggling with perfectionism and procrastination. I’d spend hours second-guessing every word, even though I’d been a professional writer for more than 15 years and only had two subscribers.

I could’ve easily let that hold me back and stop me, but I’d also been wanting to start a newsletter for so long. I knew I needed to push through, even though it was uncomfortable.

Dreams are tricky, fickle things. Showing up for them isn’t easy. It often involves leaps of faith and meeting our edges, and usually some sort of sacrifice, too - time, energy, finances, etc. It’s why so many fall by the wayside.

When I first left the UK, back in 2013, I was utterly terrified. I’d been dreaming of it for years and had long put all the plans in motion, but when it came down to it, I was shit-scared. I kept wondering if I’d made the wrong decision to go off into the world with all my life savings, no plan, no job, and no return ticket.

Of course, I talked myself around and got on the plane. The rest is history. Seven years of travelling the world, followed by a coin-flip that led me here to Australia in 2019.

Partly as a way to stop myself second-guessing those dreams, flipping coins became my way of making decisions. I either knew what I wanted when the coin was in the air, or I didn’t, and then I was happy to leave it up to fate.

These days, though, it doesn’t seem to work as well. Especially when it comes to running a business.

At the moment, business is a little slow and mum stuff is quite bad, and I’ve found myself in one of those real in-between periods where you inadvertently end up questioning everything. I know this usually leads to better clarity and a more defined path in the long-run, but, just like decluttering, it feels messy and awkward in the moment.

Joe choosing to lie on my desk and tell me how dissatisfied he is with the heat hasn’t really helped, either.

While in many ways, I’m welcoming the pause - especially in this heat - my mind struggles with the quiet. It feels like my dreams are so big, they’ve marched right past my comfort zone, bringing up old fears and limiting beliefs. Highlighting just how big the gap is from where I am and where I want to be.

And, to top it off, my chronic pain and insomnia have flared up, too - extra fun in 44-degree weather.

I understand it’s my body’s way of keeping me safe and minimising risks. I also know there are other benefits to bringing those stories to the surface - including seeing the way most worked out for the best in the long run and all the lessons I learned from the others - but it’s still quite frustrating.

I was talking to my mentor about it all recently, and she shared a great story about how, when she was writing her first book, she put an empty chair next to her while she was working. The chair was for her inner critic, and every time that voice would get too loud, she would stop working, turn to the chair, and have a conversation.

She’d ask it questions like:

• What are you feeling right now?

• Where's this really coming from?

• What are you scared of?

• What about this is making you feel unsafe?

• What do you need from me?

It was usually just acknowledgement and compassion.

I’ve spoken to many people who’ve written books and have read even more books about writing books, but no advice has hit quite as hard. While it might sound a little woo-woo, I like that it still has roots in neuroscience and psychology.

Although my own memoir is on the backburner - for now - I’ve been using a similar practice when I’m journalling. I just show up to the page, ask myself similar questions and let my hand free-write the answers without any judgement.

In doing so, I’ve realised the massive the toll these past few years have taken on me. They’ve been big; watching Alzheimer’s take my mum and stress out my family from afar, navigating a stressful visa process so I can stay in my adopted homeland, pivoting careers, and building a new business from scratch.

Now the dust has settled a little, I can see my mind and body are just desperate for a breather. For the past few months, I’ve been seeing everyone’s photos of cold, dark nights, cosy blankets, and steaming mugs of tea, and feeling really nostalgic and sad for winter. I’ve realised this too is a sign.

It’s time to slow down, go gentle, and be a bit more intentional with my energy.

It’s no cosy winter-scene, but it’ll do.

I wonder how this fits and sits with you, too. If you want to dive in deeper, I’ve come up with some questions. I’ve also shared my own reflections and findings below.

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Questions to ponder

• How do fear and self-doubt show up in your creative or personal life? What helps you move through them?

• When was the last time you took a leap of faith towards a dream? What did you learn?

• Do you have any rituals, practices, or habits to help you quieten your inner critic, tap into your inner wisdom, and/or make decisions (like the chair, free-writing, or coin-flipping)?

• What season do you feel like you’re in in your life or business? Why?

• Is it time for you to stretch out of your comfort zone or crawl into it and embrace it?

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In my case, I’ve decided to pare things back a little. I think I rushed into things a bit last week and I'm not actually ready to go into launch mode or put myself out there more. For now, this means dropping the cost of my paid Substack back down and holding off on the AMA call.

While I will still offer lots of lovely extras for my paid subscribers, I’ve also decided to keep running monthly creative circles for everyone, for as long as it feels good. God knows there’s enough going on in the world right now, and I think we need community more than ever.

A bit like a creative coffee chat, these circles are a space for sharing, supporting each other, and exploring our journeys together. I’ll bring some jumping-off questions and let it all go from there.

The next one will be on Wednesday February 5th at 8.30am GMT (4.30pm AWST/7.30pm AEDT). RSVP here.

Note: It won’t be recorded, but if you can’t make it and would like the questions and a little love note from me, please reach out.

As for the AMA side of things, I’ve decided to try answering questions as letters. While I know I could never shape up to the inimitable Cheryl Strayed, I really love her Dear Sugar Letters and think it could be fun to give something similar a whirl.

Do you have any burning questions? Maybe something about living a creative life, travelling, building a business, setting up a home on the other side of the world, or navigating caregiving and other challenges? Hit reply or let me know in the comments.

Alright, that’s it for me this week. Time to go treat myself to an ice cream (and maybe stick my head in the freezer).

Sending lots of love,

Cxx