The best job I've ever had
Move over bar kitties and disaster relief, meet...
Hey friends,
Heads up, part of this post is a little more umm… risque(!) than my usual content. Nothing too “out there” - at least beyond the job title itself, but it still may be a touch salacious compared to my usual jam.
Feel free to skip this week if that’s not your cup of tea.
I know it won't be for everyone, but I also think it's interesting to reflect on all the multitudes we contain and all the lives we've lived within this one.
Especially those that were fun.
There's actually a whole chapter of my writing life that I haven't really shared much about here.
One where I was a sex writer for Durex, wrote articles about pubes and what it was like growing up in the era of “ladettes” and Page 3, worked as a sex and dating human “chatbot”, and all sorts of other fun stuff - including the job I’ve written about here.
None of them were ever really meant to be forever, but they were all good while they lasted. Like tiny acts of rebellion against the buttoned-up British prudishness that both feels like home and hell.
Still, rather than feeling like going from 0-100 in less than a second, I’ve put a few of the “best” bits of this post behind the paywall.
Anyone can subscribe, but it just feels like the equivalent of buying me a drink first, before I start sharing too many dirty little secrets.
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, everything’s been feeling a bit too serious recently. So, I've been trying to journey back into times when life felt easier and more fun and see what was different back then - aside from, yknow, the *big* stuff.
One thing I've really noticed is how much difference it made being part of a creative community, especially when I was just getting started in my writing career.
For the first decade of my working life, I followed a fairly “normal” career path. Up until I was 23, at least, which is when I quit my job as a round-the-world travel agent to be a round-the-world traveller.
While I'd eventually go on to achieve my dream of becoming a travel writer, in those early days, I’d throw my hat into anything and everything, as long as it paid.
Which is how I ended with the best (and most ridiculous) job I've ever had…
*Drumroll, please*
Writing lonely hearts ads for life-size sex dolls.
Yup. Those human-sized and *mostly* human-shaped silicone things that some people umm… use for company.
My contacts, French guys based in Taiwan, would send me a list of names and some “staged” photos. I’d then write each doll a bio in the style of a lonely hearts ad.
And before you ask, no, I never saw one in real life.
They're not only not even remotely my scene, but they're also pretty damn expensive. Not that any of that passed down to me. My pay was just $5 per bio, minus 10% commission to Upwork.
Honestly, though, the job was just so utterly ridiculous I couldn't turn it down. Especially as it became a community endeavour.
Writing sex doll bios sitting at home on your own sounds kind of strange, but writing them at a bar surrounded by friends?
Totally different story.
At the time, I was living in Cambodia on a budget of $5-15/day. Many local jobs, like bartending, just covered food and accommodation, so anything else felt like a bonus.
It was also a pretty communal life. The majority of us lived in glorified one-bed shacks with no luxuries like TVs or hot water. We'd spend most of the day on the beach or working, and after dark would flock to the local bars to hang out.
Typically, those nights would be spent chatting shit, shooting pool, hatching hair-brained schemes and challenges - like boogie-boarding to the nearest island or replicating the scene in Cool Hand Luke where he eats 50 eggs - or deciding who’d play us in the Otres Movie*.
*Picture The Beach with (slightly) less drama and warring Russian mafia instead of actual sharks.
They were also perfect for brainstorming sex doll backstories.
I'd set up on a barstool, spin my laptop around, and survey the crowd.
What do you think her story is?
What does she like?
What do you think she does for a job?
Answers would range from classics like masseuse, yoga teacher, nurse, and personal trainer to dog person, Michelin-starred chef, driving instructor, barista, and hotel receptionist.
After giggling a bit, I'd get to work… pushing in as many innuendos as possible, before finishing with some sort of call to action.
(Sorry, not sorry)
Intrigued? I’ve added a few behind the paywall. Scroll down to take a peek. They're hilarious, but nothing worse than you used to find in a lonely hearts section of a newspaper.
It wasn't just the most ridiculous job I’ve ever had, though. It was also the easiest.
Each bio would take less than 15 minutes to write. I didn’t procrastinate and wasn’t worried about perfectionism. I’d just… get on with it.
I can’t tell you how hard it is not to see innuendos in everything right now.
But, if I dig a little deeper, I don’t think it was so easy just because it was easy work or because the stakes were so low.
It was easy because I was living this magical life in this great little community, surrounded by people who believed in me.
When I told my friends I wanted to be a writer, no one said I needed more qualifications and should go back to university, or that it was silly, would never make me any money, and wasn't a viable career path.
Instead, people helped me set up a writing profile online and showed me how to get jobs. We formed a little writing group where we shared contacts and connections, brainstormed pitches, and celebrated and commiserated.
It was the best.
I genuinely don't think I'd be where I am if it weren't for that community. And, to be quite frank, I also don't think the last few years would have sucked quite as much if I still had it.
Having been on both sides, I can tell you that trying to do this stuff alone is hard. Way harder than it needs to be.
This is one of the main reasons I’m starting Write Club.
The premise is simple: to be a gentle gathering place for writers and creatives. A space where we can come together, work on our projects, soundboard/crowdsource/stress test ideas, and find a bit of support and comfort in community.
I want it to always feel like an invitation, not an obligation - a bit like how I knew I never had to get on my little blue scooter and zip down to the bar at night (especially as a massive introvert), but the fact I could made me want to go more.
It's also not a place to preach or teach - although I'll happily answer questions, share resources, and do what I can to help you on your journey, just as my friends helped me, all those years ago.
Our first calls will be in mid-May and are open to all paid subscribers. We'll open and close with some conversation and then get down to business, as they say in Mulan.
Speaking of business (and umm… business socks, IYKYK), paid subs can also scroll down and enjoy a glimpse into my job and my mind, circa 2014. It's a trip!
To join Write Club - and see the bios - simply upgrade your subscription. You can join for a year or go month by month if that works best for you.
Alright, I think that's it for today. Though I'm now very intrigued about everyone else’s best jobs now, too.
What was yours? Feel free to hit reply, I'd love to know!
I'm also here if you have any questions about write club.
Catch you next week (or down below),
All my love
Cx
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