Full-time traveller to anxious adventurer
Time changes all - at least for now
Hey friends,
How is it almost the end of July already?! Time just seems to be flying by at the moment. It's like Smashmouth said, the years start comin’ and they don't stop comin’.
The days and weeks, too.
I just realised that in a month’s time, I’ll be in Slovakia. My friends will have just got married in the mountains, and I’ll be gearing up to board a 6-hour train to Vienna for a few days before flying back to the UK to see my family and meet my new niece for the first time.
In my head, I still had six weeks at least to go, but no. I guess I should really figure out some sort of dress for this wedding. And book some hotels.
I should also tee up some posts for here while I'm gone. As much as I'd love to be updating you in real-time, It would probably help to have a fallback, just in case.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Also, how did Community come out 15 years ago?! And why am I busting out all the pop culture references in this post?! I guess the world is full of great unanswered mysteries.
Still, I digress.
As an ex-travel agent, travel writer, and traveller, who spent five years dreaming about leaving the UK with a one-way ticket and then nearly seven years living on the road, you might think I have this whole travel thing down pat. I used to love it. It was my job, my life - my entire identity.
Yet, while that sort of travel wasn’t without its anxieties - I even wrote a whole article about it - the panic I feel rising in me now is on a totally different level.
To be fair, a lot has changed in the last five years. Not least the fact that I’ve finally settled into this whole “having a home” thing again.
I actually found a place and built a life I quite like. I also have a cat, a home, and a growing business here, which makes it much harder to pack everything up and leave. Especially as the cat isn't an easy cat. Some friends with kids are going to be housesitting this time. I'm praying that he’s on his best behaviour.
Going back to the UK to visit my family and see my mum (who has late-stage young-onset Alzheimer’s) is always 50% really frigging good and 50% the hardest fucking thing in the world.
I still have flight anxiety after getting the last plane back into Australia before they closed the borders. It’s a long story and although it worked out in the end, it came at a high cost: thousands of dollars, no working rights for nearly two years, and massive travel anxiety forevermore.
Over the last few years, I’ve learned I have autism, ADHD, chronic pain, and chronic fatigue. While I had 2 out of 4 before, the realisation of it all makes travelling way more complicated than it used to be. It’s also super expensive, so then I feel like I have to do it right, and get overwhelmed by choice, analysis paralysis, and decision fatigue… Hence not yet booking hotels.
I also have really complicated and specific dietary requirements. Although I really hate causing a fuss, if I accidentally get “glutened” or eat any one of the wrong things on my very long list, I can be KO’d for days. I have to travel with a suitcase of medication and comfy clothes baggy enough to hide my oversized beach-ball of a bad belly. Even at home, eating out is like spinning the wheel of fate. Three meals a day in restaurants is just asking for it.
I used to travel slowly, for fun, and mostly by myself - with no one else and nothing else to worry about. I didn’t have anywhere I had to be or anything/anyone waiting on me anywhere. It was just me, myself, and I. I could eat where I wanted, go where I wanted, stay as long as I wanted, rest when I wanted. Of course, I want to see my friends get married and visit my family, but it just isn’t quite the same as the comparatively carefree travel of the past.
So, yeah. Basically, there’s this whole other ballpark of stuff to wade through. And that’s before I’ve even left.
Once I get there, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Our passports are in date. We’ve got our flights booked; I’ll get the hotels in Bratislava and Vienna sorted and figure out the train schedules.
I’ll sort e-SIMs for our phones and make sure my borderless bank card and our credit cards are all set up to work in Austria and Slovakia. I know we don’t need visas (...yet - though we might soon), and we’re not hiring a car, so no international driving permits required.
Yet, while I do think COVID has made me a more anxious traveller; I know having more to lose also plays a big part of it, too.
Before, I’d make travel decisions by flipping coins on the day. I’d drive from my old home base in Cambodia to the Laotian border on my scooter and pay for a visa there and then. I’d grab my tent and some spare undies and spend a summer hitchhiking through Europe and think nothing of it. All I’d really need would be my passport.
It was even easier when I was living out of my car and travelling around the US. Carrying all my stuff with me meant I could cook all my own meals and as long as I had enough water, I could always stay someplace a little longer if I wanted, easy peasy.
Over the years, I've ticked off almost all the types of travel I've ever wanted to do - I've never done 5* or luxury travel, and you wouldn't get me on a cruise ship in a million years… unless it was to Antarctica. Maybe. And yet, the only kind I really miss is a good long road trip.
Even now as I write this, there’s something satisfiying about knowing that if everything went wrong I could easily go back to the car/vanlife. It feels like a safety net, ready to catch me if all else fails.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my home. I love my cat, my partner, my office, my garden. I love my bed and my bookshelves, my art supplies. But I also really love having a backup plan and an escape route. It's like a tiny comfort blanket I keep rolled up next to my bug-out bag under the bed.
Truth is, without my partner I couldn't afford to live here. Nor would I want to. Even with him, we know it's not forever.
The clock has been ticking down ever since moved in. It's a lovely home, but it's still a rental, and so it will never fully be our home (and there's no way we'd ever be able to afford it even if it were an option).
It’s also in a fine enough place, but Perth isn't our place. Of all the places I've travelled in the world, I'd probably give it a 5.5/10: solid beaches, nice nature spots, terrible drivers, boring suburbs, and endless copycat estates.
Instead, we want to find a way to combine all our loves - and not have to mortgage ourselves up to the eyeballs and work until our deathbeds just to get on the property ladder in a place we don't even really want to be.
So for now, the dream is to buy a sail boat big enough for us and the cat to comfortably live on - and maybe even have occasional visitors.
While I'll have to give up the garden and downsize my bookshelves and art supplies, I'll be able to keep my home, my cat, and sate my itchy feet with all sorts of fun new adventures.
Getting back to Europe might be a little bit trickier, though.
Exploration Questions
How have you changed since the world changed?
Have your world views recovered, or are you still feeling dampened by the experiences?
Would you say you were more of a wild-footed wanderer, a heartfelt homebody, or somewhere inbetween? Has that shifted over the past few years?
Are you happy with where you are, who you are, and/or what you're doing now?
Is there somewhere you would rather be or a life you'd rather have? Do you know where it is? Dream it! Write it! Be as detailed as you can. Getting clear can be the greatest catalyst to help you take it from dream to reality.
Alright, time for me to go and try and dig out my old travel agent hat and sort these hotels. It makes me laugh thinking about how I never used to book anything and would just rock up.
Oh, how the world has changed. And me, with it.
Sending you all my love,
Cxx
PS: I have limited creative mentoring spots available before I go over to Europe. I’ve still got to revamp my website - it might have to be an after-trip “treat” - but when I do I'll also be putting my prices up. If you'd like to squeeze in at the current rate, drop me a line.
PPS: if you like my work and want to support me, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription. While all my content is free - for now - I have some really big and exciting ideas for the future.
Alternatively, you can also buy me a coffee - or some Slovakian snacks - as a token of your appreciation.
Ďakujem!
So lovely to have a trip on the horizon. Ahh, that feeling is bliss. Enjoy. Safe travels.💐
I relate to all of the conflicting desires and concerns you are feeling. I'm hoping to travel next year, but there's a whole lot of decision making around that, especially fears around dietary needs. I don't want to miss the cultural culinary experiences, but also don't want to get sick. I'm excited for some adventure though. I hope you enjoy your upcoming trip and that you're able to focus on the positives. 💜