#32: Romanticising our lives
How to live a lemonade life on a lemon budget
Hey friends,
This week’s been a bit of a strange one. Even the weather is all out of whack; officially it's meant to be winter next week, but outside it's like summer. Everything feels topsy-turvy.
Last weekend, I was meant to go on a trip and see one of my favourite authors, Holly Ringland, at the Margaret River Readers + Writer’s Festival, but in the end I was struck down by some bad news from home and a chronic- pain flare-up, and couldn’t face the 3.5-hour+ drive.
Instead, I decided to lean slightly more into the beginner's mindset and double-down on one of my favourite practices to snap out of my funk: romanticising the shit out of my life.
The truth is, nothing had changed in my reality.
I still had debilitating pain. I was still upset about the news, worried about my family on the other side of the world, fed up with this shitty Alzheimer’s journey, and disappointed about having to miss the event. I was still desperate for rain and over this drought.
I didn't have more or less money or things or anything else than the day before, I just had a choice - especially seeing as most of these things were out of my control.
I could dwell on them and spend all weekend feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different, which, in reality wouldn't change anything, other than depleting me further.
Or, I could feel and hold it all, journal it out, and try to at least do things that made me slightly happier, rather than wallowing in self pity all weekend.
Don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for the wallow. But in order to see those stars shining brightly on those dark nights (as the saying goes), we have to go outside and far enough away from the city lights to see them.
I also know that when things with my family and in my life get hard, it helps if I have some inner resources to pull from. And, if I've depleted them all by sitting down in the dumps feeling sad and sorry for myself, I'm not able to show up or serve anyone, and that doesn't do me or anyone else any good, either.
Which means it's in these moments that it's even more important to double-down on enjoying the things I love - or the things I try not to take for granted, like hot showers and comfy beds. Or being able to fill my house with flowers and fancy coffee mugs, or having a garden and magical books to read.
Why I will forever romanticise hot showers
If you've been here a while, hi, I'm so glad! And if you're new, then you may not know that before I ended up in my current home in Australia, I spent almost seven years living out of a backpack. Read more.
I on/off had a home base in Cambodia, but also did disaster relief work in Nepal and Guatemala, and went on road trips all over the world. It was fun and I loved it, but I did get over cold showers and washing my hair with a bucket.
One day, when the temperatures got too low for car camping in Canada, I flipped a coin to decide where to go next.
Four months later, I ended up here, intending it to be a short trip to visit some friends. But, between the pandemic, the travel industry temporarily collapsing (I was a travel writer and trip planner which wasn't ideal when no one could travel), and my mum's descent into Alzheimer’s, life took me on a very different path.
Because it wasn't a conscious decision to stop travelling, I still miss a lot about life on the road. But I also remember how much I missed things when I was living out of a backpack, and I try to lean into them too.
Things like the aforementioned hot showers (there was a time when I had to wait for it to rain before I could wash my hair!), and easy access to chocolate and a kitchen to cook my own food. I also didn’t love hand washing my clothes - and waiting forever for them to dry - or not being able to squeeze art supplies into my already-too-heavy bag.
I didn't often dream about what would happen when my wandering days were done, but when I did, I'd dream of a little cottage in the countryside with a garden and a tin roof.
I'd dream of having my own veranda, where I could sit and sip loose-leaf tea from a teapot and a fancy mug, cook food in my own kitchen, and read a book I chose, not one I picked up from a hostel book swap.
Which, incidentally, is almost exactly where I did end up, thanks to that random coin flip, a chance meeting, and the hands of fate or destiny, depending on what you believe.
But, like all of us, once we get what we want - even if we've been desiring it for ages - the thrill always wears off.
We quickly level up and adjust to this new reality (known as the adaptation-level phenomenon in psychology), and, unless we actively make an effort to appreciate it and override our innate programming, often end up taking it in our stride and moving onto the next thing.
Which is when I end up going all in on romanticising my life
I remember when I was a kid and I couldn't wait to move out. Or when I finally did and moved into shared housing at uni and had to deal with people having random parties and stealing my food from the fridge and using my shampoo. All I wanted was to have my own space.
Then, in exam season, all I wanted was a job, and once I had a job, all I wanted to do was leave and feel free again. I even spent my first few years here feeling stuck and dreaming of getting back on the road.
The grass was always greener.
It was frustrating as hell, but I know it wasn't my fault. Just like it isn't yours if you feel the same. It's in our DNA to seek the next thing. Our ancestors couldn't spend too long thinking about how great that meal was last night, because they needed to go out and find food for today and tomorrow.
It's also something that every industry in the entire world seems to operate on, too, because this yearning and desire keeps the wheels on our big global economic machine turning.
We might spend months saving up for a new iPhone and be super excited about it, but then when we get it, the thrill wears off and it's straight onto the next thing. We want a Macbook instead. Then a top-of-the-range iMac.
It is within our power to change these patterns, but it takes work and practice to actively override them. To focus on the things that we already have that make us happy. To double down on what we have already achieved, and how far we've already come.
This is where - and why - things like gratitude journalling and practices can be really powerful. They're ways of interrupting these cycles and our natural flow of thoughts and bringing us back to a place where we can appreciate what we have, instead of falling back into constantly seeking.
If you think about everything you have in your life that you've ever wanted, how many of those dreams have already come true?
How many things do you have in your reality now that you once wanted so badly but then forgot all about that once you finally had them? It's funny how quickly we adjust.
Interestingly, this adaptation-level phenomenon also works the other way once the worst things happen, it can take us a little longer, but we adjust and get used to this “new normal”, too.
I've been finding it fascinating to learn more about the psychology and theory behind these experiences - including the fact that our base levels of happiness actually have a lot to do with our genetics - but I'll save all that for another day.
Invitation to explore
For now, I just want to end with a little invitation for you to dive into all the lemonade you've already made in your life. All the dreams that have come true, all the wonders you are surrounded by and might even take for granted on a daily basis.
I want you to think back to a time when all you wanted was what you have now, and see if you can look around you and explore your current reality with those eyes.
To love and appreciate where you are and what you have.
And, no matter what else is going on in your life and how shit it is, to give yourself some time and space to appreciate how far you've come and all the wonder you've already woven into your current reality.
I'd love to hear how you get on.
Hope this helps!
All my love,
Cxx
PS: I am still running my creative mentoring sessions offer for my Substack subscribers - free and paid. You can get $50 off when you sign up for an hour-long session. Just hit reply to this email or send me a message. You can also check out my website for more info and testimonials.
PPS: I am also exploring how best to balance my new Creating Lemonade series with these essays. I'm thinking alternating weeks might be the best way to go as I don't want to bombard you too much with two emails a week. I'd love to know your thoughts.
Wow, Cassie. I'm sorry you had a tough week. I love Holly Ringland's writing, so sorry you missed her too. But I absolutely love the way you turned it around. The idea of romanticising our lives is powerful and life-giving. Much love...