#27: Lessons from Joe
Things my cat has taught me about life, love, and lemons
Hey friends
I hope you've all had a good week. Here, we’re still desperately awaiting rain and haven’t quite made it to the dew point yet, but for the first time in six months, I’ve put the duvet back on the bed and brought my dressing gown out of its aestivation in the wardrobe. It made me silly happy.
I love autumn.
The days are getting shorter; the pre-dawn haze lingering longer when the alarm goes off in the morning, and the earlier sunset means I get far more done at my desk in the evening. I’ve always been far more productive in the darkest hours.
After months of being unable to fall asleep at night and struggling to wake up in the morning, I’m trying to stop forcing it. To let myself stay up late and write, and rise later - with the sun - in the morning.
It works well for me, but Joe is very unimpressed with this change in routine. He runs this household with sharp claws (the cat equivalent of an iron fist) and lets me know how disappointed he is in me over and over.
Funnily enough, it’s been a good lesson - even if it has resulted in a few more “cattoos” on my arms and legs (and even a swipe on my nose!)
I feel like I harp on and on about the silver linings and seeing the benefits of every situation, even the bad ones (sometimes I feel like this is my superpower), but this experience has been a solid reminder that I can disappoint people - or cats - and nothing bad will happen. Well, aside from the aforementioned scratches, but they’re par for the course with this monster.
As a recovering people pleaser, I always felt like I had to put other people first or the sky would fall down. Up until my mum started going too far downhill for daily calls, I would put her needs - and that feeling of responsibility for my family (oldest daughter syndrome?) - ahead of mine to my physical and emotional detriment.
Although I don’t regret it, not really, I’m now finally learning that there are ways to please people on my terms - like with my mentoring services and workshops - without having to bend over backwards to cater to everyone else first.
On the surface, it seems silly and small, but it feels revolutionary.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that my years spent traveling were part of a bigger attempt to learn how to exist in the world without putting everyone else first.
I spent years bouncing around, remaking myself over and over, and finally feeling like I was getting somewhere with not only learning how to understand my needs but also to express them, only to take ten steps back every time I went home.
It’s been a big theme of my life and one that has come to a head these last few years. Fortunately, a lot of the work I’ve done since I stopped travelling (the irony) has actually paid off immensely, and this cat of mine has helped a lot.
And so, although I could write for hours on this, I thought I’d keep it fairly short and sweet today and share a little piece I wrote on Instagram about life lessons from Joe. I think it fits nicely here.
On that note, I’ve started sharing little vignette essays on Instagram and Facebook most days. So, if you want to read more from me, feel free to follow me there, too!
Life Lessons from Joe
This little fluffball has been one of my greatest teachers and the biggest thorns in my side these last few years, and even though he's turned my whole world upside down, it's been worth it (mostly).
When he came into my life, I didn't actually want a cat, not a full-time one anyway. I'd had five when I left Cambodia and it had broken my heart to leave them. I wasn't ready for the responsibility of another one.
I’d never wanted children, houses, or pets. I just wanted adventures. To travel freely, to fly by the seat of my pants, squeezing all the juice out of life I could.
But then came COVID. And then came my mother's Alzheimer's and my transition into long-distance caregiving. And then came Joe.
He was as broken as I was when I first met him. Covered in sores, he'd been abandoned three times already because he was such hard work.
A sucker for a sob story, I couldn't say no. One look in his eyes and our fates were tied. He was mine, and I was his. Over the last three years, he's healed me as I've healed him.
He's taught me the beauty in slowing down, watching the world go by, taking lots of naps, approaching life with a playful curiosity, and prioritising his comfort above all else.
He's also taught me a lot about worthiness, imposter syndrome, and how to handle our inner critters.
Even at their lowest point, a cat never thinks that they're anything but worthy.
Imposter syndrome does not exist with cats. Whatever their flaws, they're purrfect just as they are, and they know it. Even if you don't like them - as individuals or as a species - they don't care. They're not going to do anything different to pander to your needs.
They're just going to keep being cats, living in their cat world, finding beams of sunlight, and comfy places to snooze. Absolutely living in the moment, taking up space, and never thinking twice about whether they deserve it.
Truth is, we all deserve to live in those moments, too. Not because we've earned them, but because we're here, on this beautiful planet, right now.
Because life, in itself, is nothing less than a miracle and should be enjoyed, not just endured.
I can't believe it took a cat to show me that, but I'm so grateful for it all the same.
Thanks, as always, for being here. I appreciate you immensely.
All my love,
Cassie
PS - If you’re in Perth and fancy joining me for some journalling and some sound healing - or know anyone who might - I’m co-hosting a Tune into Autumn Reset retreat here in the Swan Valley on May 11th.
Check out the event here or send me a message for more details!
PPS - I’ve been doing a bunch of work on my personal branding and visioning about my Lemonade Stand following on from my post last week. I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do with this Substack and I’m contemplating adding in a membership space.
It would be all around helping other people Make Lemonade from the lemons in their lives. Perhaps with quarterly journalling and dream visioning workshops, and writing workshops around owning your own story and writing to heal - two of my favourite writing workshops to run. I'd also love to have Q+As and a safe space for people to share.
Free subscribers would still get weekly emails, and the option to pay to attend individual workshops.
I really want to run more online workshops and build a little community and feel like this could be a good platform for it, based on what other people have done, but I’d love to hear your thoughts and see what you think. After all, you’re the reason why I’m here and this wouldn’t be anything without you :)
Alright, goodbye for reals this time. I’ll catch you next week - or in the comments!
Hi Cassie, what a beautiful piece. I love seeing your joy with your cat and all your beautiful nature photos. A lovely place to write. Keep being you - you are a beautiful human being. PS I miss writing with you.
Beautiful Joe! What an honest and insightful piece. I understand your words totally. Isn’t it amazing what we can learn from our animal companions. I think many of us need nature, animals, landscapes to find our voice, then we need to learn how to take our space in the world… that part is tough, thank you sharing your experience of it, I couldn’t agree more.